What Happened When I Started Appreciating What I Have?

An unexpected turning in my life …..

When we were children we always wanted to have what our friends have, we pestered our parents to have them until we get it.

It seems we still didn’t get over that habit, but one difference is back at that time we wanted simple things like Candies, toys, comics, and a Harry Potter magic wand in my case. But it's not the same anymore.

As days went by our wishes also became complicated, it wasn't the simple things we wanted in our childhood anymore, even our levels of comparison changed to different horizons, we now wish to have a better life than our siblings, friends, and relatives, a better position than our colleagues, we might have come across a happy couple who are total strangers we don't know anything how their life but from what we saw superficially we assume that they have something special and we wish to have a special someone special in our life after coming across them, seeing the billionaires and there luxurious life we want that, we want to popular seeing the celebrities and this “I want..” list is endless. Actually, in most cases, you don’t really need it, but still, you want it when someone has it. Have you ever asked yourselves why we want something only when we find that someone has it?

In psychological terms, it is called as “MIMETIC DESIRE”, in which one person’s desire mimics that of another. We borrow our desires from others or in other words our emotions are triggered by seeing others. Our desire for a certain object is always provoked by the desire of another person — the model — for this same object. This means that the relationship between the subject and the object is not direct. There is always a triangular relationship of subject (us), model, and object. The truth is most of us have this desire. And with our efforts and willpower, we can definitely overcome it.

The things what we want will never end unless we stop comparing & obsessing ourselves with what others have .

Even I wished to have things that I don’t have and I will curse myself for not getting them.

I got tired of being pessimistic and sad for the things that I don’t have and couldn’t get. This quarantine gave me some solitary moment from the globe and stopped me from getting distracted and brought me back to my senses. I used this moment to realize what I did so far and what I was doing.

For so long I believed accomplishing these will bring me happiness I now realized they never brought me true happiness, it was just a shortlived joy at that moment, right after that moment if you see the debts you got for buying that which is not even essential will bring only pain for a long term than happiness. I realized how much I pressurized myself for getting the things that were really never necessary for me, and I also realized I never really enjoyed my life in this journey, instead of concentrating on my happiness all I did was chasing after what I don't have. Until then I didn’t realize how sweet my family is despite our economic status, and not even once, I thanked God for blessing me with good health and fitness. Everything that I have is great as it is but I never noticed them before and appreciated, cause I clouded my vision from seeing what I have with me while chasing what I don't have.

• All These realizations helped me to understand my needs, my dreams, and my happiness. I started to look at “myself” for the first time in a long time. I stopped seeing what others have and started concentrating on what I have and what I want.
• I set my own limits and goals. say for example, if the maximum grade is “A” for an exam I fitted that as my target in my mind instead of comparing my friend's grade and keeping that as a target.
• “A star does not compete with other stars around it; it just shines.” I stopped proving who I am to others who don't care about me. I think proving yourself who you are is much important than proving to others at least in that way you will understand your flaws and strength and mold accordingly.
• Competing is good if only it's healthy. I learned where and for what I have to compete. I started to compete with the person who I was yesterday to get better and better every day.
• I started being true to myself that helped me classify what I really needed and what I don't need and minimized unnecessary expenses and brought me clarity.
• Instead of trying to get short-lived joy, I started to work hard for accomplishing what gives me long-term happiness.
• I started taking a moment daily to join my hands and Thank God for what he has given me, To Thank my parents for everything they have done to me so far, To Thank everyone who has thought me something in my life. I look at the mirror daily and say “ How beautiful I am to face this astonishing day ahead.” This simple word “Thank You” brings me a whole lot of happiness and fulfillment.

All these small things which I said to myself changed me into the better person who I am now and brought me happiness & peace. And I have to say this how much relieved I am now, to live my life from my perspective instead of trying to match mine with others.

We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.

-Friedrich Koenig